Leaving The House, Parent Style

Remember the days, back before you had kids, when heading out to run errands or see a movie consisted of you dressing for the occasion, then heading out the door?

Yeah, those were some awesome times indeed.

On good days, I can have the kids changed from lazy Sunday attire, to doctor appointment ready in about ten minutes. a few longer if Joey needs a needs a fresh set of Pampers before the trip. But typically, the getting ready routine looks something like this:

Me: “Miki, can you go find your shoes and get a sweater on?”

Mikayla: “OK”

Me: “Keith, please find your Transformer shoes, and put them on”. With Keith, you sometimes have to be very specific with things, or he will get sidetracked.

Keith: “But WHERE are they?”

Me: “In the shoe basket, where they belong”.

Keith: “Oh”

Sometimes we just need a little direction.

Me: “Joey, come sit on couch so I can put your shoes and socks on”.

Joey: “Schocks! Schocks!” then runs down the hall laughing.

Me: “Joey! Get over here, you need to put your shoes on”

Joey: “NOOOOOOOO!” still running around the house.

Me: “Please? Right now?”

Joey: (Still laughing) “Shoes!” still running away.

Mikayla: “I’m ready, but I think Joey just pooped”.

Me: (Sigh) “Keith, your shoes are on the wrong feet” Turn to face toddler “Joey, did you poop?”

Joey: Bends over and points at his diaper. “Poop, poop”.

Me: (Sigh) “Alright, lets change your diaper and then put your Spiderman shoes on”.

Joey: “Yay! Spigherman! Spigherman!” then sits on the couch, smiling, with a fully loaded diaper adding a fresh, childhood smell to the room.

Diaper changed, shoes on, its time to get in the car!

Me: “OK guys, lets go out and get in the car”

Keith: “But I want to ride in Cherry” (my wife named our truck Cherry, cause, y’know, its red) “Not the car, Cherry!”

Me: “Sorry kiddo, but Mom has the truck today, we are taking the car”.

Keith: “But I don’t want to go in the car! I want to be in the big truck!”

Mikayla: “Keith, why do you have to act like such a child?”

Keith: “……..” (Death stare) “Mikawa, you not being nice, I’m awesome!”

Me: “Lets just get in the car, and try not to kill each other on walk out the door?”

Elapsed time: between fifteen and thirty minutes, depending on how lost a shoe is, if somebody needs a clean shirt, or an I Don’t Want To Go tantrum spontaneously erupts. 

And then we are on the road! Well, almost, Joey forgot his BumbleBee Transformer, so I need to head back into the house to grab it, and Keith’s while I’m at it, or there will be a backseat brawl over the one robot…

The near constant companion on outings.

Another battle won, we are off to conquer the known shoppingverse!

Please don’t sue me Bill Watterson!